Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
