No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
