People in love make me want to vomit
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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