Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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