I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
