Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize