It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
