new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nutella sex= disaster
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
