I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
