3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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