When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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