We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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