my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please, let me fuck your mom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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