How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
