at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
