just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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