OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
