So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
