I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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