yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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