I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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