____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
