whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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