ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
