Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
