i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
