Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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