Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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