I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
