ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
