I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
