so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
