is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
