this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
