you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize