i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
