you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
