you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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