yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
