so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
