im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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