He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
