i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I pour the whiskey from now on
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
