this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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