the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize