Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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