I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
