never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
