i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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