somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
