Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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