Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
smell my finger.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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