Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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