Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
