you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
