So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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