When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dick very happy bro
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
