I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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