I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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