Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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