Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
