I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
