I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
