Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
