Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
