i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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