my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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