She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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