SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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