So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
