There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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