i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
