I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
