I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
