Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize