K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
