trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
