did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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