i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
